1 | Practice Rigorous Authenticity
My mask is:
I say yes when I could say no2 | Surrender The Outcome
I can’t control:
Mask #2: I avoid difficult conversations/ I'm holding back my unique perspective. (These two pair together for me.)
Mask #3: I'm hiding a weakness.
Others perception of me.
The outcome or the reaction of others to my perspective/difficult conversations.
I can control:
How I carry myself daily.
Transparency with loved ones.
Opening the door to having those conversations and having those difficult conversations in a healthy way and realize that what will be will be.
3 | Do Uncomfortable Work
My Daily Reflection:
I find myself avoiding hard conversations with loved ones based on their possible preconceived ideas of their reactions.....(which typing it sounds SO stupid) because I have no way of knowing their perspective or reactions. I find myself holding back my perspective based on those fears of their reactions. As a man in our society vulnerability is not really a "societal norm." Weakness/surrender/vulnerability are someting that is uncomfortable for me and getting through it by practicing them will be vital.
My Mask-Free Action(s):
#1 is accountability. When I see these masks being "Instinctively" put on, own it immediately, find constructive ways (instead of taking a defensive stance that I do sometimes), and find healthy coping strategies to keep those emotional reactions in check (I LOVE me some DBT!). 100% transparency with everyone while respecting personal boundaries will be a fine line to walk.
Why this matters to me:
These masks have been SO heavy for years and working with a therapist unpacking them, seeing the harm they have caused to me and my family is causing all of us emotional distress to the point there are physical issues (sleeping, eating, working). Separation with my wife and sons with her contemplating divorce is heartbreaking on levels I have never felt.
