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My mask is:
I can’t control:
I can't control how K will respond to me, my work, my weaknesses in partnering with her in the business. I can't control what her vision for the business is - even though it seemingly aligns right now.
I can't control how changes in our personal relationship will impact the professional relationship. I feel that if I don't have either, the whole thing will collapse and I would have let her down again, this time professionally as well.
I can control:
I can execute and launch the plans I have committed to already.
- Digital Marketing Plan and automation
- Hold off on making futher commitments that we have been discussing, but not decided on (broader products and projects in addition to what's already on the ground) - particularly executive search.
- I CAN control to research and refine the business model for ES over the next month - and do the backend work for an effective launch (whether I do it with her, or by myself). Build a step by step plan and execute it. For now, it's just 'what' - not 'how'. Figure out the 'HOW".
My Daily Reflection:
At this point, having worked through the 3 worksheets on this issue, the work doesn't feel 'uncomfortable' any more. The only challenge I've been facing is a lack of focus and confusion prompted by a lack of clarity (and overcommitting). However, if the 'trust' doubt comes up again in my mind, then I will keep feeling paralyzed in even the smallest things.
My Mask-Free Action(s):
SAY NO TO MORE PROJECTS FOR DECEMBER.
There is a likelihood that more work will come up particularly, if she gets a contract.
In addition, EXECUTE the action plans for:
1) EC Marketing
2) Conference sessions one-pager
3) Finish the marketing courses I'm doing on my own
Further, on the book project under discussion with S -- the backend work is work for my own development (creating a simplified rehab program) - That's your daily practice in any case. DO NOT STOP.
--Communicate to S that he has to meet me halfway for this to move forward. Further, we HAVE to clarify terms and a stage I plan before moving forward.
Whatever roller coaster I've been through over the past 7-8 years has led me here. I have the opportunity to do work that aligns deeply with my personal philosophy and I enjoy. This matters to me because I DONT want my masks to get in the way of finding fullness in my life now that I have this opportunity. To clarify, not fullness from achieving anything - fullness just from 'washing the bowl'.
As depleted and unfocused I feel, somehow there is a sense of satisfaction at the end of the day. A sense of progress, in spite of a seemingly bad day whenever there is one. This is the first time in a long time, that I feel like I am alive in the moment - instead of bouncing around between the future and the past. It's painful, but its also glorious at the same time.
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