1 | Practice Rigorous Authenticity
My mask is:
I’m holding back my unique perspective2 | Surrender The Outcome
I can’t control:
- Time lost or wasted as an unregenerate sinner, as a failed artist, as a tired father who's missed opportunities
- How my enemies perceive me
- The nature of my lust, which is triggered by loneliness
- The restaurant I'm employed at
- Fulfillment of friendships/associations
- Chaucer's life; I'm the scapegoat, pariah, I'm shut out and gaslit as some kind of deadbeat, blamed for the effect
I can control:
- How I spend my time NOW building toward mastery as a bible student, as a podcaster, as a father getting mentally, physically healthier
- How I perceive myself
- My body/ my vices/ my inputs
- My skill-enhancement at the restaurant
- How much I give to friends/associates/enemies
- Chaucer when he's with me, working toward certain individual goals each time he's with me. I can also begin to influence caregivers/nannies with my experience
3 | Do Uncomfortable Work
My Daily Reflection:
Express my unique perspective
My Mask-Free Action(s):
- Record something every day from the previous days' notes. Learn to produce audio
- Study the bible
- Advance Chaucer's agendas: school, caregiver, gross/fine motor
- Build and condition the major muscle groups
- Examine my mistakes in notes
- Police input: little to no carbs, less smoking, no pornography or vacuous, sinful content
- Pray for friends, bring them gifts
- Produce and activate my own gross/fine motor systems while still at Meadowdale and feed him solids
Why this matters to me:
- It's the talking therapy I need and satisfies the discursive impulse. It builds a legacy above and beyond the reflections of a son who can't speak and those of enemies who disparage me. Fixing myself honors God; it is His Grace that propels me to better things. I should know how to do it well, too, so I'll read on it and learn the Scarlett 2i2, so I can later invest in an actual sound board.
- Serving God is the most important thing so I should be studying scripture even if I can't successfully memorize it
- I can be making myself a part of his schooling schedule, drive him there in mornings or just go for a few days out of the week, depending on how much more I want to work. Finding a caregiver should be no problem by the time the settlement funds are available to pay me back for whomever we use now as a stopgap until someone like Jacquelyn Felstead can be hired again. I also can put together a set of tools to cover his major disciplines myself in small pieces at Meadowdale.
- There shouldn't be much of an issue with committing an hour each day to weightlifting, even if I miss gym days.
- Reflections are key to studying and learning from mistakes so that they aren't made again. Private or public ones.
- There's no reason why I can't continue to minimize carbs and eliminate wheat, buy better food, so on. I shouldn't be smoking more than one cigarette a day. Pornography is out of the question if I want to stay sane. Crass, vapid, sinful content is dragging me down and dishonors God. No more jagoff comedy for a while.
- Giving thanks is the least I should do. My prayer life needs an overhaul. I would also like to be a positive impact on those who know me as a friend or peer, rather than be this mercenary I'm still leading as out of self-preservation.
- I can get better at time management with Chaucer and ultimately control our time together if I have systems in place. Put together some more equipment, hang the toddler bag, install the bolster chair, get the walker back, the toddler boots, pick up a cache of fine motor tools. Keep receipts of everything. Go through a packet of food each day we're together with oral tools and spoons.
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